read at your own risk.
after the first 5 minutes of interacting with the aforementioned counselor, i realized i had a new winner for the 'least favorite people in my life' award. the last winner was a girl who flipped me off while zooming past in her sporty little car. i think i was going too slow...? i don't remember. i just remember feeling emotionally assaulted by a gesture. while the new winner did not assault me, gesturally or otherwise, i ended up feeling like crap anyhow. i don't know if there are hordes of people that love the way this woman counsels... if so, godspeed to them. but personally, i'd rather be counseled by a man-eating venus fly trap.
'what's the big deal?' you say. 'it couldn't have been that bad!'
well, let me just fill you in.
throughout the course of my vast counseling experiences, i've found that it's easier to share your deep-seated fears and hang-ups while warming up to the counselor first, having a little introduction, giving some pleasant background-setting chit-chat.
makes sense, right? right.
after being led into this particular counselor's office,
(which was just that -- about 7' x 7' rectangle of a room with a metal desk and two hard chairs... oh, and a heater that came on every time the air conditioner came on, creating an odd draft of freezing and roasting air simuntaneously)
she plopped down, turned to me and said, 'so why are you here?' then stared unblinkingly at me trying to fumble my way into honest sharing of struggles and need of help to process life in general. not many comments or questions came from her unless i just quit talking entirely and stared back at her for a few seconds, at which point she would make a 'counseley' statement or question -- her favorite being, 'so how are you feeling right now?'.
at the time i couldn't explain why i was responding so negatively to her, but i felt more and more angry as the hour ticked away. in retrospect, i think it's because a counselor is supposed to be someone you want to talk to. and when you don't want to talk to them because you hate them, somehow you still have to talk to them because you're trapped in this tiny, cold/hot, institutional office with them. and if you let on that you hate them, they're going to ask you why and suddenly it might get so much more awkward. so i basically felt manipulated into talking about myself in ways that i really didn't want to, but was constrained to based on the implied code of counseling.
i don't know if that makes any sense at all, but the long and the short of it was, i left her office
(why don't you give me a call to set up another appointment?'
'no, thank you, and i hate you' -- mad dash out the door...)
got in my car and sobbed very angrily for enough time to get it all out, then just furrowed my brow for a little while longer, after which time i felt much better.
oh, and decided to never visit a counselor again, for as long as i live.
yes, i realize that's a decision i made out of an emotional response. i'm now reconsidering it since i'm still in dire need of some extra help with this phase of my life. but i don't know if i have the chutzpah quite yet.
it might be a while.
remember that definition for 'inertia'?
the property of matter by which it retains its state of rest or its velocity along a straight line so long as it is not acted upon by an external force.
who would've known that the external force that acted upon me would have been the very thing i thought i was walking in a straight line towards?!
i'm suddenly confused.
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Well, Kate, I just read your Dec. 9th posting, and I'm so sorry that your experience was such a disappointing and miserable one. Seems to me like one viable expectation for a couselor is that they actually counsel. hmmm... novel idea. Or at the very least, you want them to be kind, interactive, understanding, and some type of sounding board. Seems to me like she was more of a brick wall. Again, I'm sorry. Not all counselors are that unpleasant. By the way, do not feel any obligation to even respond if you do not wish to, but I am more than happy to talk with you. I am certainly not a trained counselor or capable of very much, and I don't know what you mean by "stage of life," but I can help encourage you and listen, especially if the "stage of life" has to do with mental and emotional preparation for marriage. All that long-winded jarble to say, I'm here. I hope your Christmas is a grand one. Much love.
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