a renewed mind

i must confess, when it comes to reading my bible, i'm just not very disciplined. i sometimes go weeks without reading and journaling and talking to the lord. this is a very unfortunate thing, as i tend to realize with great conviction directly after spending some time catching up. it's SO necessary to life to be renewing my mind in the word! why do i go so long thinking i'll just get by until i have a little more time, or whatever other reason is floating around in my head?
i think especially lately, i've been spending most of my emotional energies and efforts on my relationship with nick. i don't think he's god, mind you, but it's sometimes easy to put him in the front of my mind.
i know none of this is a new dilemma. pretty much every christian on the planet could say they've had experiences similar to these... somehow it always just takes a good dose of truth to really wake up those senses that had been getting lulled softly to sleep.

this morning i thought i'd do my normal psalm of the day, but then it dawned on me that i never really get to read any psalm above 31 with that tactic. so i figured i'd work my way through the '6' psalms. i read psalm 6, 16, 26, 36, 46, 56, 66, 76, 86... and then on psalm 86, i camped out for a little while. having never really read it before, it was hard to process. so i journaled it out phrase by phrase, responding to the truths one at a time. i tell you what, it was such a huge blessing to my heart to be so freshly renewed in honest goodness straight from the merciful, compassionate character of the lord! i have nothing to offer but futile effort, but it is almost something outside of myself, this devotion to him that was born out of his unfailing devotion to me. no matter how far my empty wandering thoughts may take me, there's some mysterious thing that is as real as the bones in my body, as tight as the sinews holding me together that holds me cleaved into him and draws me back, time afer time. and in knowing this, then in receiving his mercy when i'm far away, somehow he shows up, accompanied by so much joy.

i guess all those hebrew people and i aren't so different. i'm right there with them in forgetting his trustworthy goodness.
praise god he is slow to anger and rich in love.